Found this while looking up tx weather.
Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Boy". I call mine "Sex". He's a great pal but he has caused me a great deal of embarrassment.
When I went to City Hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like one, too!" Then I said "But this is a dog." He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand, I've had Sex since I was 9 years old." He winked and said, "You must have been quite a kid."
When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex. He said, "You don't need a special room. As long as you pay your bill we don't care what you do." I said, "Look, you don't seem to understand, Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Funny -- I have the same problem."
One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there, looking disappointed. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me I should have sold my own tickets. "But you don't understand," I said, "I had hoped to have Sex on TV." He said, "Now that cable is all over the place it's no big deal anymore."
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said"Your honor, I had Sex before I was married." The judge said,"This courtroom isn't a confessional. Stick to the case." Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me. He said that's not unusual, it happens to lots of people.
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked "What are you doing in this alley at 4 o'clock in the morning?" I told him that i was looking for Sex. My case comes up Friday.
OK yall, enough typing for a day, really gonna have to figure out how to transfer.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
TEXAS WEATHER, HA HA
Hey Kathie, i still show my name, not nic, when i tried to post. so will work more on that too. neway, got u to thank for a new follower.
ok,,, gonna just type my "Hazardous Occupation" article today.,
MONDAY-- Spent my first day on the job at the Bureau here in Texas. Also, we rented a house today. Not as snug as the one we left in North Dakota, and the rent is higher, but these Texas winters are mild, and the house will do nicely. The new house has an elm in the back yard which is budding, and a plum tree that is already blooming. I must remember that spring in Texas comes in Feb...The weather today was overcast, humid, soggy and warm. For my forecast, I predicted more of the same for Tues, and low tonight of 56 %.
TUESDAY-- An hour late to the office this morning. Hated to be late my second day at the Bureau, but all the pipes in the kitchen were frozen. I never knew a frontal system to move so fast. Martha called me at the office to ask where I had packed the kid's long underwear... I told her I had given it all to the Salvation Army when we left ND for TX.... She's in a bad humor tonight. The blooms on the plum tree are black and all withered up. Weather today cool and sunny. We are under the influence of a large high pressure system. Not a chance for a cloud to show up. For Wed. I predict fair and cool, favorable for outdoor activity.
WEDNESDAY-- Late to the office again. Took Martha and me an hour to locate the kid's raincoats and galoshes before they could go to school. A bad day all around. The roof of the house leaks. Water got all over my box of books and ruined my leather bound copy of "Advanced Meteorology" which the boys at the office gave me when I left ND. One good thing about Texans is that they do not complain about bum weather forecasts. In fact, they do not seem to depend on forecasts at all. Rained like the dickens all day today. It is a cinch to continue, as we have a broad upsweep condition. For Thurs I forecast continued general rain, unfavorable for outdoor activity.
THURSDAY-- It was a beautiful day today. But a strong frontal system with polar air behind it is coming down, and a Pacific front with winds up to 70 mph is moving into the state from the west. When these collide with the warm air mass we have at present, there is going to be fireworks. For Fri I forecast severe thunderstorms, torrential rains and the possibility of isolated tornadoes. Martha is nervous tonight. She never did like thunder and lightening.
FRIDAY-- Another beautiful day today. I do not feel so bad about my copy of Advanced Meteorology being ruined, as it looks as if I will not need it in TX. As to what happened to all the weather I forecast today, the boys around the bureau just shrugged and said it must have hung up on that barbed wire fence North of Amarillo.. They did not teach me anything about barbed wire fences in meteorology school. For Saturday I forecast another beautiful day. It seems as good a guess as any.
SATURDAY-- Martha and the kids are mad at me today for giving away the sleds and ice skates when we left ND. It sleeted through an open window at the bureau and ruined all our weather maps. Not that it matters much. For Sunday, I forecast that Martha and the kids and I will catch a 7:00AM train to go back to ND.
Have GOT to figure out how to transfer things from my documents. i did move this into acrobat.com, but still couldnt figure out how to get it on here. tried copy, paste, didnt work. got a dilemma here ,,,,,helpppp,,, anybody ?,,,i know i can give u a link, but like the above, better to put it here.
I always fill up my car when it gets down to 1/2,,,have done that for a lot of years. That way, no matter what came up, i can just get in the car n go. From 1 day to the next, the place i use went up .35 a gal. going to cost me over 30.00 now to fill up from my 1/2 a tank!!! Going 20 miles to an HEB doesnt pay any more. Used to, one thing, like a can of coffee, would pay for my trip, on what i saved on it. Not now! We just have one supermarket, and they know it. lol Its a Super S.
The place next to me has been for sale now, for a couple of months, and i have soooo dreaded who might buy it. could just c a bunch of loud kids, DOGS!!!, and no telling what else. Well, told my son about it a few days ago, and he and his dad,,,my x, r prob gonna buy it!!! YEAAAAAA....the 3/2 brick house, on 3 lots,,,also has 9 lots behind it,,,making a whole block. At the top of the hill, u can c forever,,,best place in town!!!. No streets on 3 sides, just on the front. He has complained for a long time about their neighborhood and how it has gone to hell, zillions of barking dogs day and nite. To be here, would be heaven for him. Hes even talking about selling one of his priceless cars. They have about 10 of those classic cars, most redone to perfection, so one would pay for it. Never thot id hear him say that. im soo excited!! the x is no problem, weve always gotten along. hes even helped me with my cars sometimes. Ive bought several from them, and the one im driving, i bought from them. they have lived in the same house, in separate parts, forever, due to all the major back surgeries my son has had, n got another one coming up one day. Getting shots in it now, just to keep going for a while.
ok,,,going to publish,,,enough is enough. lol
ok,,, gonna just type my "Hazardous Occupation" article today.,
MONDAY-- Spent my first day on the job at the Bureau here in Texas. Also, we rented a house today. Not as snug as the one we left in North Dakota, and the rent is higher, but these Texas winters are mild, and the house will do nicely. The new house has an elm in the back yard which is budding, and a plum tree that is already blooming. I must remember that spring in Texas comes in Feb...The weather today was overcast, humid, soggy and warm. For my forecast, I predicted more of the same for Tues, and low tonight of 56 %.
TUESDAY-- An hour late to the office this morning. Hated to be late my second day at the Bureau, but all the pipes in the kitchen were frozen. I never knew a frontal system to move so fast. Martha called me at the office to ask where I had packed the kid's long underwear... I told her I had given it all to the Salvation Army when we left ND for TX.... She's in a bad humor tonight. The blooms on the plum tree are black and all withered up. Weather today cool and sunny. We are under the influence of a large high pressure system. Not a chance for a cloud to show up. For Wed. I predict fair and cool, favorable for outdoor activity.
WEDNESDAY-- Late to the office again. Took Martha and me an hour to locate the kid's raincoats and galoshes before they could go to school. A bad day all around. The roof of the house leaks. Water got all over my box of books and ruined my leather bound copy of "Advanced Meteorology" which the boys at the office gave me when I left ND. One good thing about Texans is that they do not complain about bum weather forecasts. In fact, they do not seem to depend on forecasts at all. Rained like the dickens all day today. It is a cinch to continue, as we have a broad upsweep condition. For Thurs I forecast continued general rain, unfavorable for outdoor activity.
THURSDAY-- It was a beautiful day today. But a strong frontal system with polar air behind it is coming down, and a Pacific front with winds up to 70 mph is moving into the state from the west. When these collide with the warm air mass we have at present, there is going to be fireworks. For Fri I forecast severe thunderstorms, torrential rains and the possibility of isolated tornadoes. Martha is nervous tonight. She never did like thunder and lightening.
FRIDAY-- Another beautiful day today. I do not feel so bad about my copy of Advanced Meteorology being ruined, as it looks as if I will not need it in TX. As to what happened to all the weather I forecast today, the boys around the bureau just shrugged and said it must have hung up on that barbed wire fence North of Amarillo.. They did not teach me anything about barbed wire fences in meteorology school. For Saturday I forecast another beautiful day. It seems as good a guess as any.
SATURDAY-- Martha and the kids are mad at me today for giving away the sleds and ice skates when we left ND. It sleeted through an open window at the bureau and ruined all our weather maps. Not that it matters much. For Sunday, I forecast that Martha and the kids and I will catch a 7:00AM train to go back to ND.
Have GOT to figure out how to transfer things from my documents. i did move this into acrobat.com, but still couldnt figure out how to get it on here. tried copy, paste, didnt work. got a dilemma here ,,,,,helpppp,,, anybody ?,,,i know i can give u a link, but like the above, better to put it here.
I always fill up my car when it gets down to 1/2,,,have done that for a lot of years. That way, no matter what came up, i can just get in the car n go. From 1 day to the next, the place i use went up .35 a gal. going to cost me over 30.00 now to fill up from my 1/2 a tank!!! Going 20 miles to an HEB doesnt pay any more. Used to, one thing, like a can of coffee, would pay for my trip, on what i saved on it. Not now! We just have one supermarket, and they know it. lol Its a Super S.
The place next to me has been for sale now, for a couple of months, and i have soooo dreaded who might buy it. could just c a bunch of loud kids, DOGS!!!, and no telling what else. Well, told my son about it a few days ago, and he and his dad,,,my x, r prob gonna buy it!!! YEAAAAAA....the 3/2 brick house, on 3 lots,,,also has 9 lots behind it,,,making a whole block. At the top of the hill, u can c forever,,,best place in town!!!. No streets on 3 sides, just on the front. He has complained for a long time about their neighborhood and how it has gone to hell, zillions of barking dogs day and nite. To be here, would be heaven for him. Hes even talking about selling one of his priceless cars. They have about 10 of those classic cars, most redone to perfection, so one would pay for it. Never thot id hear him say that. im soo excited!! the x is no problem, weve always gotten along. hes even helped me with my cars sometimes. Ive bought several from them, and the one im driving, i bought from them. they have lived in the same house, in separate parts, forever, due to all the major back surgeries my son has had, n got another one coming up one day. Getting shots in it now, just to keep going for a while.
ok,,,going to publish,,,enough is enough. lol
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